Hmmn.. Thinking complex thoughts this morning.

How is it possible that you take my breath away? It has been 15 years since I've seen you. This morning a picture of you crossed my facebook page and I almost forgot to breath, It's been 5 years since we last spoke. I wish I knew you were ok. I wish I didn't know that the Army had changed you forever. That the person I loved most of my teenage life was still there. We live not even 6 hours from each other. How I would love to see you to spend time with you. To tell you that I pray for you every day. How I made many mistakes one of them being that I let you go that day without telling you no matter how mad we made each other I loved you. You could always count on me. I hope your life has been blessed. I hope you know you are so worth any of your dreams. I will die with the memories and dreams of you. Besides you hold the key to so many things. It's amazing how one person can effect the life of another for all of time. You can be arrogant and rude and evasive but I know that's a front for the man who wants to be loved and to know he is the hero he most definately he is. That day when we raided Fallujah I think my heart broke into a million pieces knowing you where there. I couldn't breath and then when I didn't hear from you for awhile afterwards I prayed and cried that you were ok, The day you called to tell me you were fine. I think I had finally breathed for the first time since that inital attack, When I asked you what kept you from calling you begrudingly admitted to me you had been shot twice, I know my heart fell out of my chest. I cried and you asked me why I was crying and I told you because no matter what life has carved out for us I would ALWAYS care and part of my heart belonged to you. Your brasin attidude towards me and the possiveness then scared me and made me feel both beautiful and it made me feel ugly, I am sorry I said those disrespectful things that day. I am a different person now. I am not the same naive little girl you met all those years ago and spend that sacred night with. I want to see that man who was so gentle and sweet and enduring. Who took a scared abused little girl and treated her with a kindness and gentleness, I wish I could tell you I am sorry I lied to you about why I was crying in that moment, I was not crying because I was scared of you. I was crying because I was so scarred from being abused as a small child and into my childhood you took part of that pain and you healed it. I sometimes wish I could walk into those big strong arms of yours and not take them for granted. You are not perfect but you have your moments of them.

I hope life is treating you fairly and your able to love and be loved. I pray for your son and what a man he must be now. I know that you haven't seen him in many years but I'm sure your so proud of him, I am so proud of you. You did the right thing. Be happy and be blessed. I think I will always think of when I see a picture of you that my heart will stop and it will take my breath away. You are beautiful and your bravery are worn on your face. It's something I hope others see in you too. You will always be my Homer, I miss that.