I am not invisible to the enemy I am just protected by Jesus

Lord God I thank you for all you do for me. I am incredibly blessed to be saved by you. You reassure me everyday that you are here. Even when the enemies are attacking me when I am feeling a bit vunerable you remind me I may be visable to them but I am protected by you. I never doubt even in my roughest days that you are there. Today is a reminder to me that things happen for a reason and even though I may not like them you are in control. So weither or not I get a new car, weither or not I am sick and tired. If the kids are being naughty and fighting and break an expensive bottle of marinade in the grocery store. If I get home and the toliet is overflowing. It just means I am living life. I am here and I am part of life. It doesn't mean that you have forsaken me. It means you are looking for me to lean on you more. To be thankful for you more to appreciate you and the life I live because of you more. If I lived a thousands more years I would never be able to repay the love and graditude I have for you. Today was not a fun day for myself or my sister or her husband, We are thankful and blessed to have each other to support when things get a lil hairraising and stressful. I am lucky I get to live around the corner from them and get to help them when they needed it. Jesus thank you for your love protection and kindness. Thank you for family and friends and loved ones. I am so humbled that you are here to watch us and keep us safe within your arms. I ask that you continue to teach us and help us learn to be more like you. We love you an praise you in your name AMEN

Off to bed, I am exausted by this day. take care.

Old Friends, New places, New lives New faith

I am so excited. I bought my tickets tonight to go visit an old friend, See our relationship started because of 2 people who decided to get married. I was freinds with the Wife. Whom despite her many faults introduced me to her husband, He became my big brother. When things were rough with the marriage I was there to help take care of his precious baby girl, because his wife was not. See he was a military man and did what he could to provide for his family. I became their nanny. I loved being there to help raise that baby. Then They decided to split up. Thank goodness.... Even though I came with her as my friend, I left with him because he was now my brother. During the time they were seperated and getting a divorce, I met and fell in love with Brian so I wasn't around quite as much. Also during this time my big brother met a woman. he invited her out to our home in Hawaii and it was the begining of a love and marriage for them with 2 more kids to follow, For me it was a friendship ever so slightly rough but it was because of both our uncertainties regarding this man and his child, soon to realize that we were no threat to them or each other we became friends. Through our struggles our friendship has gotten stronger,  Lost it's way several times and has taken long stretches of seperation. But in the end, the one thing that has always remained is our love for each other. We are still friends, I beleive that in order for us to be the better versions of  our friendship, We both seperately had to find Jesus and heal our wounds of life to be better sisters and friends. I am so excited because this is the first time in 9 years I will get to see them. To spend a weekend with them. To love on their babies and to be in the comfort of my brother whom I have missed terribly. We may not be blood related but he will always be my brother. So as we all have new jobs new lives and new faiths in Jesus and in our lives as we live them. It will be good to see how we interact and how we can become that much closer as a family. So tonight, I thank Jesus that I am able to go see them, To spend the time in the word with Chris and to get to see her baptisted in Jesus's house. To know she is saved and truly a child of God, Jesus is with her and she knows it now. So I can't wait to be there crying my eyes out to know the truth of Jesus is  and will forever be within her. Alright let these next 2 weeks go by quick. sweet..

I love that following Jesus comes with the guarntee that He loves me

So I have been on this journey in following what Jesus has asked of me in Prayer. I prayed for a chance and he told me to come to Vegas, Even though to be honest this place was never in my plans. So I said I would come it happened in a matter of weeks, I prayed about a job and Jesus says take what you feel in your heart and be patient for the career. So I find a nanny job decide it's awesome money but I wouldn't fit their family so I pray and he tells me to stick with my gut. So I turned it down without consulting anyone. In the meantime I apply at many other places and familes and one being the school district here for an ASl job. So a family contacts me on one of the find a Nanny sites. I met them, I fell in love with their family and have been there ever since. I have been praying for the school job and still he tells me to continue to work on it but be patient. I have listened and I know he will not fail me. So today I get a letter in the mail saying I have been APPROVED. Wahooo.. Now on to the right school I know that with his help I will pray and he will help me find the perfect school the perfect area and the perfect place for us to live. I will be patient and know it will happen in his time, For now I am so thankful for the blessings of a house to live in to have a job and to be able to buy a new to me car. Things have never looked brighter I am FINALLY getting ahead and I know it's because of Jesus and my utter and complete faith in him and his will, It's not as if I won't face hard times in life, but I know that in those moments my faith will be ever stronger in him because of leaning on him in this time of need. He has blessed me and I feel so incredibly lucky to be his child, I am so thankful, I am not blind and mislead and following a false sense of who he really is. Jesus is my savior and my life is complete in him.

I am so proud of myself, I am learning to stand on my own feet finacially. I am trying to figure out how to get myself out of debt and to live within my means I want to find freedom in being able live every month in comfort and know I can do that only through Christ, I want to stand beside him and know he will be proud of me.

I have alot of work to do. I need to be more forthcoming and straight forward about his mission in bringing people to the truth. I need to be louder about my faith. I need to let go of somethings that hold me back from being more like him. I love that everyday I can change and be a better person more like Christ.

The peace and contentment in moments like these are rare and treasured, I am feeling blessed today because I dont' have alot of drama in life when I focus on Jesus instead of the world. The world is fast pace choatic and nuts. I want a softer fuller life with Jesus in slower Jesus filled world. That is my hope.

Changes

So I ran 11 miles the other day and just about died while doing it. I don't know what overcame me to think I could do Red Rock Canyon without prepping first. I am insane sometimes I don't think rationally about stuff like that. But I learned 3 big lessons. 1. I am not a trail runner. 2. I hate hills with switchbacks 3. Unlike Oregon, I must drink LOTS AND LOTS more water before during and after my runs here. But I finished then entire 11 miles. I have sucked at food this week. I'm trying but I am so busy and so tired when I come home from taking care of the Nanny kids I just want to relax. This month I have more days off so that means more running days. I am going to try and get in at least 10-15 miles every week for the next 4 weeks and then increase to 30 slowly, I know I can I did it before, I enjoy running. It makes me feel lighter in spirit, It gives me the alone time I need with the lord without interruptions. But I am learning that different climates require different styles of nutrition and appropriate fueling. I  miss my days of eating better and being able to run out my stresses. I was much more relaxed and able to fuction better. I think I am going to really really pray about CrossFit. I want to join but it's alot of money and the times of classes don't really go with my work schedule currently. I just want to get at a healthy weight. I want to give my daughter the courage to change for herself and also the knowledge that I will be here for a very long time.

Speaking of my daughter, She's been struggling a bit with her emotions lately. I know it has to be hard on her as her body is changing and so is her hormones. And she hates that I work so many hours. But I hope someday she realizes I did it for her and the ability to have a home for her. That she'd have clothes and food in belly and often times even when I dont' have alot of time or energy for her I feel terribly guilty about it. But I'd rather work and have a home then not work and live within our car just so she can see me a couple hours more each day. That may sound harsh but I know when she grows up she'll see the choices I made as a mom to put her 1st will show her my love. I just hope she sees that even when it's hard that we are the lucky ones because we have Jesus. He is our father and our protector when we are just 2 instead of 3. I pray that every night. That she will not feel like she is missing something and feels broken in her life.

I know what it's like to feel broken and that part of me is missing. That is was taken from me. I still at 30 yrs old struggle with that. I don't wish that for my baby ever. I wish her happiness and love and marriage and most importantly I HOPE SHE SEES THE JOY IN JESUS. That he is her 1st her middle and her last love.

Vegas is amazing. I love the weather here I love that I wake up and it's clear and blue even when it's cold in the mornings. That I get to spend each day in warmth. I miss my Oregon moisture though for sure. I miss my Nan's house. It was seriously the only permentant home I've known since I was 18. I miss the rain at times. The moods that brought on crockpot meals and family game night by the rain outside.

But I am so grateful and feel so blessed to be here in Vegas where life has been full and blessed in many ways. I am finished with round 3 of the school job I am applying for. I have 2 more rounds to go. I hope that I can find a school close to where we are now but if I can't I am ok with where ever Jesus sends us. And if we have to move to Boulder City then that is where we'll be. I will never defy my God. He has LED me here and I walk in COMPLETE FAITH in HIM. Jesus can heal you and bring you joy if you allow him to..

I am going running tomorrow a short run probably 3-5 miles. I need to get back to the short distances first. So wish me luck in feeling better then ever.

Song Mighty Breath of God by Jesus Culture.